Dear... Robert (I'll just go for it)
I know you stalk me while I search the internet sometimes and there are hares everywhere that help you rule your kingdom. Although I know that you do check up on me sometimes out of curiosity (or out of irony, or absurdity, or both), it was rather unfortunate of me to be so hung up on you. Being that I know you have a family and possibly even a wife (or a husband, or a girlfriend now, I don't know and for some messed-up reason, I seem to not care according to my actions right now, but believe me, I do).
The real reason why I called Jack was to juvenilely tell you over the phone that I feel like a child who has a major crush on you and it seems that you know and you allow it to occur which is why I am writing this at the moment. I have experimented with former boyfriends who were my own age with drugs that were psychotropics and I must say that since meeting you, I have only attempted to be with someone as interesting as you, and failed rather miserably. This has been reoccurring on-and-off for the past six or seven years now. I am laughing internally because I know that the atrocity of my existence in this cruel world had led me to a path of hitting on an older man who probably gets plenty of love letters from loads of different women, and it feels self-deceiving.
What I am attempting to tell you is that if you are considering seeing another lady besides myself, whether you're cheating on your wife or your current girlfriend or boyfriend by reading this, don't... don't see her. Don't waste your time with someone else. As the church bells ring in this marzipanal neighborhood filled with lies and questions of faith, I rest alone wanting to be lying next to no one else but... yourself. It makes me want to half-cry, but it also makes me want to... run away and masturbate. Again. Broke.
Why can't you talk to me when you do check up on me? I'm not judging you. You will always be hot to me. I just don't think you should be wasting your time with your wealthy-spoiled-girl co-worker. I don't like her. I wish I could look into your eyes again and never have to worry about money again. I don't like many people. But I like you. And I wish I could talk to you again one day. About my change of look... about, whatever.
Good Night.