Dear... Mom and Dad
I wish you truly knew the real me. It does not matter if you think you knew me, or if I thought I let you knew how I really was, that was not the real me. There is no “real me”, I am always confused about it and I do not know how to fix it.
There was never a moment during my adolescence where I existed, I never knew who I was or wanted to be. I do not think I will die by my own hand, I hope I do not, but anyways, there are moments were I just wish I could stop existing; I would not want to die, I would just like to be somewhere better, where I could be at ease for a moment, with myself.
You always think I am being scandalous and trying to attract your attention, but that is not it. When I behave in weird ways is because I do not know what is happening to me, like when I cry in the wrong moments, and I do not know why, but I cannot stop it. I wish I could control my emotions better and be a better daughter. I wish I could trust you as if you really tried to comprehend me at least, without trying to help me; that would make things much easier for me, so I could understand myself better, without you pressuring me to explain my feelings in a better way.
Dad, you and mom have always been so different, she always tries to tell me how she would do anything, and you always try to give me the instructions for a “better” mindset.
I really wish I could empathize better with you, as we used to do. I miss us being a family, and spending time together, really caring for each other. Now I do not want to say this, but sometimes I think I really do not care about you anymore, and that also hurts me.
Maybe you can never understand me completely, but please, at least if you see you are not able to, stop trying.
I am losing myself, I am losing both of you, and I am afraid I might lose my friends too.
I don’t know what is happening to me, and I am afraid of myself.
I really want to get a psychologist.