Dear... Unknown
I haven’t had a job for seven years now. It’s because I’m ridiculously unpleasant to look at. People make fun of my face because it’s riddled in acne scars and abnormal skin texture. I heard someone call me leather face the other day. So I have hidden from people because I’m allowed to. I leech off my family and friends while fooling myself thinking I can live the rest of my life like this. I don’t want to be happy. I don’t want to be free. I just want what I’ll never feel.
There’s much more I want to say but I’m stuck. I do better when I talk to someone rather than write it out. I’ve tried many forums and blogs and diary websites to find that experience I’m looking for, in thinking that will help me feel better or be able to not be damaged by the ridicule, but I’m fighting a losing battle.
I’m fooling myself into thinking I’m something beyond my anatomy and primitive instincts. I’m nothing but bullshit and look like shit to boot.