Dear... God
I’m sorry I have been distant again lately. I was planning to spend my semestral break with you, but it turns out that I still spent it according to my own interests. I just can’t stop playing games.
I’m constantly trapped in this imaginary world I’m making. It gets harder each time I try to come back to you. Am I wrong because I’m doing it with my own efforts? Or is it because my heart is truly not for You? Father, I feel guilty writing this letter. I just want to express what I feel. There is something in my heart that tells me to come back to You. I can always hear You say to listen to Your voice, that I don’t have much time in this world (the fact that I’m wasting my time makes it worse), and this generation is getting more corrupt and evil. You gave me the mission to go and make disciples.
Father, please teach me how to forget about myself. Teach me how to focus more on You. I want to be free. I want people to see your greatness in me. I want to glorify You. I want to tell them how good You have been and continue to do wonders in my life. Thank you for giving me this comfortable life I’m having, even though I don’t deserve this because I don’t even have time to thank You. All I think about is what will satisfy me. I’m sorry if I tried to be pleasing in your eyes in my own efforts. I know I can never be pleasing except through Your Son Jesus Christ. You even told me that you use ordinary people for your purpose. Lord, let me be one of them.
I’m living everyday with fear and guilt but I still carry on. I believe that even in this struggle I’m having, you can bring out good out of it. Teach me how to share your good news to other people. You gave these friends, classmates, and teachers as my mission field, but I don’t even know where to start.
Dear God, I’m scared that after I write this letter, I will go back to my old ways again. I want to be free. I know I can’t be perfect. I just want to do Your will, God, and I’m struggling in doing what You want instead of what I want.
I pray for all of my friends... I hope that I will have the opportunity to share to them and that they’ll come to know You. All I feel right now is guilt and fear. I’m afraid that I won’t be smart or good enough this semester. The grades I’m having do not really prove how intelligent I am. I don’t believe that I am smart or intelligent. That’s why I’m asking Your wisdom God.
I’m sorry that I can only remember you if I’m having struggles or problems. I’m truly SORRY.
PLEASE FORGIVE AND SET ME FREE. I SURRENDER EVERYTHING. I’M SO TIRED OF TRYING. I’M SO TIRED OF REGRETTING MY ACTIONS AND FIGHTING THE THINGS I ENJOY.
I guess you can say that I’m confused.