Dear... Anybody
I don't get it. Why is it that I'm always the one at fault in this relationship? I'm always the one saying "I'm sorry" or, "It was my fault."
Why am I apologizing? Why isn't he helping me fix this relationship? Am I in love? I don't get it. I'm so confused and lost. I just don't want to feel alone. We're young, but the thought of being alone after having a taste of companionship... it scares me. It scares me so much. I don't know what to do.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm truly in love. I wonder if I should leave. I know I'm too weak to leave though, because I'm afraid. I wish I wasn't afraid. I wish I had someone else out there that would treat me more lovingly than he is. I treat him with love. Exactly how I want to be treated. I just want his attention, but he won't give it to me. Definitely less than before. I've heard of this, the so called "honey moon phase" ending.
God, I wish I could have that phase again. Our love was beautiful. It was comforting.
Now, not as much. It still brings me joy. Maybe that's why I'm still here. Maybe that's why I haven't left. I don't know what to do.
I think I may be unhappy.
I just keep lying to myself.
I know it's wrong, deep down inside.
One day, I hope to be loved, but I think that will require me to let go.
If you're reading this, I hope you're happy in life.