Dear… Fake Friends
No.1: "You are not weird, you are sick!" is not something you should say to person who has had anxiety with panic attacks and depression for more than 10 years, and a person who loves you and would do anything for you.
I will never forgot that sentence from your mouth. It was late when I realized you were playing with my sickness and making fun of me. You were there a few times and saw my panic attacks, and when I needed you the most you didn’t want to be there; pretending you didn’t see my message or didn’t hear me calling you. Leaving me alone and making that feeling worse.
You know people don’t understand my illness and you pretended that you do just so I would tell you lots of things that hurt me, and then you would use it to laugh at me and tell people that I’m pretending. You turned your back on me and still wanted me to be your friend. You liked the attention you got from me, you liked that I took good care of you, but you were NEVER there for me.. ever! You are an evil person.
You made me believe you are my friend and you were not doing anything a friend would do, you were just using me. Making a fool of me was your favorite hobby. And yet when I finally left I was the worst, of course. I wish all the worst to you from the bottom of my heart. YOU are something that can not be forgotten or forgiven. You are true trash and I don't hate anyone in my life like I hate you.
No.2: When anybody would ask me who am I friends with you were the first one on my list of two. We understood each other a lot, had a great time, loved and hated the same things, could talk about anything and kept each others secrets. When you went on your first boat you were gone for a year. We spent a year on the phone, I knew everything you did there as you knew everything I did here, and when you came back it was like you were never gone. It was all the same as it was when you were here.
Your second boat was the same when you were there, but it wasn't the same when you came back. We saw each other maybe 5 times in 4 months, but still kept in touch by phone. Then your third boat came. You were desperate, writing to me every day that you were not feeling well, that you are depressed, how everybody is against you etc. I felt bad for you far away from home, alone, and asked you once in a while how you were and how is your family. You were always complaining and talking about your depression; never asking how I was and how my family is. And you know well that I have fought with real depression for 10 years and have a really bad life and sick mother and father. With my bad situation I could find the time to ask you how are you and to listen to you so you could feel better.
And you were there sending me pictures of you eating steaks and fish in all ports, doing a job that brings you a lot of money, traveling the world, with healthy parents at home and with a good brother to take care of them while you are not there. But yet you were always complaining about how bad you feel, and never ever asked me how I feel or if is everything alright. Always promising how we will hang out when you come, how you will take me to some good sushi or steak..
It's been 2 months since you came home and you still didn't call on that sushi, steak, or hang out. I called you five times, it was always something, first family, then girlfriend, then you said "see you tomorrow" and that "tomorrow" hasn't come for 2 months. You don't talk to me anymore, no phone talk, no messages, it’s like you disappeared.
I don't need those steaks or sushi, I need a friend you used to be. You are the one who came back after 7 months with all those promises, and in 2 months you still can't find one hour to spend with me, or to send a message to ask me how I am. I've done my job, I called you 5 times and I don't wanna hear anymore excuses and I don't wanna be an obligation. I am your friend (if I still am) and I want you to want to see me, not to be an obligation. So I’ve stopped asking, I don't wanna bother you when you don't want to see me.
You are not fair, but I would still see you and hear some more excuses for not talking to me for 2 months in the name of the great friendship we had. It was a really good friendship and I don't understand what happened. Now I'm afraid to believe somebody new, I don't have any friends and I'm all alone knowing there is nobody who cares.
Anyway, I wish you all the best if I never hear from you ever again. Be good.