Dear... Shell Friend
I’m incredibly frustrated, and that is an understatement. I don’t understand how you can just ignore my text messages and then, when we pass each other, act as if nothing is wrong.
It’s like, when you don’t want to talk to me, for whatever reason, nothing matters, I don’t matter, and I never treated you like that. I always made you matter, even if I didn’t want to spend the time comforting / consoling / attending to your needs. Even when I didn’t “feel like it.” I still dutifully showed up, every time. Every time you wanted me to.
And now, you’re suddenly a ghost. Well I hope you’re happy. I know I will move past this, I just regret investing the time and energy I did invest. I don’t even know if you noticed how bothered I am by this. I don’t know if I want to know, I think it would hurt more. To know you might be completely unphased, and entirely un-noticing, which would be contingent with your behaviors / actions.
It sucks. It makes me feel... used? Exploited? Like I was only there for your convenience. But always at my expense.
I hope you grow up someday and realize that other people aren’t in your life just to cater to you. You have to give back sometimes, even if you don’t “feel like it” and if you never make sacrifices, then I’m not the right type of friend for you.
I think you’re selfish. I think you’re so preoccupied with fulfilling your ever-changing needs that you fail to see the needs of anyone around you, anyone who puts forth any time / effort / energy into meeting your needs. The key phrase here, and theme of our friendship is “your needs.”
Well guess what sweetheart? It’s always been a challenge to meet those. Because you’re difficult to get along with, to be friends with, a lot of the time. You leave people guessing as to what your true feelings / intentions are, a lot of the time. And that isn’t easy to navigate. But I stuck around, and I didn’t give up like every other person in your life has. And now you’ve pushed it to another level. And now you’re probably thinking I’m someone who will always be there for you no matter what. Even if you put forth zero effort as you have been. And I’m finally realizing, my self worth is higher than that.
My interest in you, as a human being, has subsided significantly but gradually. This did not happen overnight. I like how as recently as a few weeks ago you referred to me as “one of your best friends.” Well I can tell you that being ignored for days at a time, or maybe a week even, doesn’t even qualify me as an acquaintance. I am definitely not your best friend. And you are not mine, nor will you ever be. Because sadly, I know this behavior, the kind you’ve shown, is acceptable to you. You see nothing wrong with falling off the face of the earth and ignoring everyone else around if it’s suits you. Without explanation. But I see massive problems with it, and it is massively affecting me, and I am not your emotional safety net. I’m not always going to be here “waiting” for you to come around like I have in the past, excited at a little ping on my phone from finally hearing back from you.
I’m tired of always waiting. True friends don’t put people they care about on the back burner like you have, without any explanation. Well, I hope someday you understand how it feels. And I hope that when you find you have room in your life for me again, that you aren’t too devastated when you discover I left a long time ago. I hope you have someone else, waiting for you. Because that person isn’t me, anymore.