Dear... Friendships I Left Behind In The Last Decade
This is my open letter to you.
I was hurt. I was always hurt. No matter what I did or didn’t do I constantly felt taken advantage of, used, abused, drained, and exhausted by the end of it all. I lost myself along the way. Because no matter what I did or didn’t do, it was just never enough for you all.
And when I disappeared or needed space, you saw me as the bad guy and you know what, that’s fine. I understand. But I had to walk away and figure out who I was without you all. No matter how many times I said it, you just thought about yourselves. Because why else would you have acted so irrationally sometimes?
I will always wish you well. I’m very thankful for the time we had and the time we shared, it’s what made me grow into the person I am and growing to be. Sometimes, shit happens like this. Where people just don’t always align, and once you understand that, you’ll understand why I had to walk away. And you know what that’s completely fine! Many people have distanced themselves from me at one point in time or another because we just weren’t right for another at that moment, year, or years. Eventually we reconnected. There’s nothing that’s out there that says friends have to be constantly co-dependent on each other. If you wanted someone emotionally available, I’m sorry but there’s only so much I can do for you without losing my own oxygen mask along the way. Our timelines just don’t fit right now, and we can’t force it.
I don’t hate any of you. I just hate all the hurt I’ve been put through. Disregarded, pushed aside, be my guest and deny. When you don’t give a person a chance to communicate their side of the story and make up your own, that’s when I knew I had to be the bigger person, say I needed space, and distance myself.
I could have easily spilled tea on reddit or to anyone else around me, but didn’t because I’m not that person. Because of that I’ve lived with the hurt, learning and teaching myself how to heal and how to form boundaries.
The things you guys stood for, I just realized we were moving in different directions. We just wanted all different things. And I’m sure we could have been friends, still, but it’s hard to be friends with who didn’t see outside themselves. For once, I did something selfish and something for myself and walked away.
I’ve been happier. Healthier. Stronger. And so much more in love with life. The present moment. So grateful. So rejuvenated. I’m sorry life had to come to this point where all you could do was do what’s best for yourself and remove me from your view. I completely understand. I hope you heal as I do. And I will continue to leave my profile public in case you’re wondering what I’m up to. I love you all, and will always love you. You’re not perfect, and neither am I. But I need to go now. I need to do something different. I hope one day you come to understand why I did what I did. And I hope we can reconnect.
Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for making an impact on my life. I am grateful and appreciative of you all. Be well.