Dear... Luna
I always found you synonymous to the moon. The way it subtly just exists in the dark to guide you through. I don't know what relationship I have with you. All I know is I am flooded with these unlabelled feelings and thoughts making me guilty to even feel them. Honestly I used to HATE your guts. I used to hate how obnoxious and full of yourself you were. I hated you. I was never attracted to you, you know. You were the handsome boy everyone used to talk about but honestly in the almost 3 years I have known you I felt nothing. I don't crush on people easily so you see when I do it is clear as sky.
I can't stop thinking about you. It's been 3 months and every day I dream about it. It's annoying at this point you know. I can't pinpoint why I like you so much. I hate you so much.
You were the only person who was mean to me and it felt you were mean to just me for some reason. You avoided being alone with me every time. I don't know why you would be so weird about it. Hugging me or talking to me, anything.
I ached for your approval so bad just for you to tell me, hey you did good. It always felt as if you were mad about something. I don't know what but it just felt that way. But maybe like always it is just in my head you know, getting it wrong like always.
Well, if that's true then I am in love with the wrong man. I tasted you in my lover's lips and funny enough I have never kissed you. I always wondered would you ever kiss me. Maybe no. You would have if you wanted to I know, then you hug me and say hey, just because of you I made it through. But then you hate seeing my face. I don't know you. I don't understand you, maybe I’m just not that significant in the life of the man I love.
It sounds like I am complaining which I sure am. I am mad at myself for thinking about you while kissing her. How can you take that away from me?How can you make me hurt her so bad? I just want you to find your love. I know we won't last. We are so different, almost incompatible. I don't know why I am stupid enough to love you with all my heart.
You know I have a crush on you for sure. You know why I did that so you will repel away and I could stop falling in love with you. I can't afford to love someone so much, it hurts. It hurts someone to love so much and have no attachment whatsoever. I don't know why I love you. I just know I do. I do with everything I have and knowing it's not enough. It will be never enough. I am scared to talk to you or see you again. I can't.
I usually imagine in my head screaming at you why would you do this to me but you are not entitled to my feelings. I imagine being rude to you, hating you. Worst part is I just can't. All I know is to love you. Love you with everything I have. I wish I could be honest to you. I wish I could scream and say hey I miss your stupid face.
I know I made you feel uncomfortable, where you didn't know how to be around me. Why would you bring me in and throw me out?
Did I make you question things? Or is all this in my head?
Thank you for being kind.
All I ever wanted to tell you was and is and always be, "Nothing but love for you."