Dear... Thoughts
Life’s hard, it was getting better with me and meli, but we're arguing again. Things were going good, like we were hanging out, laughing, getting along, normal sister things. And then she brings up something dumb and we both end up in a heated argument that brings us all the way back to where we began. That’s just one snippet about whats been going on. I wanna run far far away but i still get scared, I’m scared that I will have no one because Izzy doesn’t go to G High anymore and Alyssa is gonna go to L for the rest of high school. I hate talking about my problems to people because I probably sound like I’m seeking attention and I would hate for people to be thinking that of me.
I try, I’m always trying. Trying to stay motivated keeps getting more difficult and my heart feels fragile. I got out of my relationship and I felt better, I could tell that would’ve been a toxic relationship that wasn’t going to get any easier or better. Kari, is never home which I cant blame her fore, she’s her own woman now. I look up to her, she is like one of my best friends but I don’t know, I don’t feel like I could trust her 100% either. I mean i wouldn’t trust anyone to begin with.
I just want to be happy. I was tired of making myself feel numb, but once I started to feel again it all came back 10x worse.
I’m not thinking about suicide because there are still things I wanna experience and live through so that’s what I have for other people who might be thinking about suicide. Life is beautiful and there are always things worth seeing.
But I don’t know, I’m also barely holding on.