Dear... My Heart That Loves Two Genders
I came out to my family as bisexual about a week ago. I knew they would accept me, and yet I couldn't help but sob the entire time. Why am I so ashamed? Why was I so scared? I know. I know, because I know I don't want to be different. People always say screw others who don't believe in you, who drag you down. But words can hurt sometimes. I feel like I'm not "gay" enough. What if I'm not actually bisexual? What if it is just a "phase"? If I change my mind?
I think I just have thin skin. I've been out to my friends for a while. And yet, the term feels odd at times, and comforting at others. I've never dated a girl. I've never kissed a girl, so how can I be a bisexual?
My silly heart. If only these things could be written out for us. If only you knew how much it scares me sometimes. And yet, how it makes me feel so proud sometimes. When you are older, will you fully embrace it? Will you go to pride parades, full and lively and dressed head to toe in pink, purple, and blue? Or will you forget that there was a time where you questioned? Will you bury it down deep inside of you? I don't know. I'm not even sure myself now. Part of me wishes I knew. But part of me also knows that it's okay not to know. Life is a twisting road. There is no right or wrong path. Only right and left. Up and down. Whichever path you choose, however you identify, whoever you are in the future, I hope you're happy. I hope you're proud. I love you.