Dear... MG
Hello, it's been a while. And I know this is a crazy time to write this to you.
It's funny how situations like this makes you reassess your life and take you back to places or moments in your life that changed you or hit you hard, no matter how far off that seems.
It's funny too that I thought I really have nothing more to say to you... but here we are.
The last time we talked, you asked me why I did what I did.
I did not answer because we had a deal... that when you or I are in a relationship, we cannot talk.
That was the deal.
A deal which however, we broke, a few times.
But I want to stand by the deal because I don't want to hurt anyone.
The last thing I want to do is argue with my partner about things I should have resolved before we met.
Maybe we won’t, but I just don’t want to risk it. Not this time.
I know it’s so hard to lose someone who understands every emotion or state you are in like no one else.
But we have a very complicated situation and we both know that.
I think I especially remember you at this time because everything is vulnerable and I know how you deal with these things.
I can still remember phone calls or text messages from you but hours before that I will know that something is up, but I don't want to message you because maybe it's not right to do so.
And then you'll message me.
I especially think about those times now or randomly while Im driving, ever since the last message you sent me.
You know I'm not the type of person who keeps someone hanging with their question.
At the back of my mind, I know I want you to be ok, but I know you are... you got life figured out better than most.
About your question, maybe I screwed up because I was meant to, that if not for those events, we wouldn't be who we are today.
There were some things I needed to figure out on my own and I don't want to disappoint you anymore.
Of course I didn't know that at that time.
That was the hard part.
But as with all the good things in life, you sometimes have to get through the rough patches and I'm sorry we got hurt from the rough patches.
I wish I knew where all these things will take us, maybe I will know what to do or what to say, but I don't.
Life is complicated that way.
And I know, I wouldn't want life any other way than it is now for you and for me.
Somehow, I kinda understand now how certain events happened and how our choices led us to people and experiences and moments we'll probably wouldn’t have had, had we stayed the course and not gone off on a tangent.
But I know you're in a great place right now. I know you well enough to know you'll make sure of that.
I'm sorry if there are some things that will remain unanswered between us, just know that maybe we needed each other or needed our moments to show or toughen us up for the life we are aspiring to build, individually.
There's really nothing much to say from here on.
I just want you to live the life you are meant to live, however way you want it.
I may not be in your life to cheer you on for it, or comfort you, but know that I believe you got this.
Thank you for everything. I hope we are both happy in our lives, wherever we are.